Friday, 6 August 2010

a well-meaning word of advice to my male friends...



they say there is no free lunch - if that is the case for a single lunch, little needs to be said about the travails one has to undergo to sustain a relationship these days....

vagaries of an economy in recession, a volatile job market, inflation and such things don't make sustaining a relationship any easier... those of you men whose month ends see bank balances on the wane and credit card debts piling up like pounds on the midriff, have to console yourselves that guccis, pradas and manolos were not meant to adorn the woman in your life.

not all is lost though - the empathetic girlfriend knows that you deserve a fair chance, and expects that what you lack in terms of economy, you'll compensate with eloquence. some sweet nothings, a few flattering adjectives, and some mushy lines murmured in her ears ought to help heal that battered wallet. it is here, though, that men need to know that they are treading on dangerous ground - prada and gucci seldom go wrong, but a few foot-in-mouth phrases can make your love life go awry.

always remember that adjectives are your arch nemesis - they have the power to make or break - choose them carefully if you don't want the romantic evening you planned to end with a faint memory of you being clobbered by your beloved's high heels...

it is natural to look for some literary assistance, but choose your poet carefully. i would sincerely advice to stick with those conventional, old-school types - those guys who have, for time immemorial, stuck to comparing gals to warm sunshine, fresh breeze, full-moon or good old flowers like those trusted roses, had it safe. trust me, no black eyes or lumps on the forehead for them.

think twice (or as much as you want) before choosing one of these newfangled types who write songs with fancy words and unpronounceable phrases - you don't want to spend your next weekend watching some game show conducted by out of work actresses, do you ?... which is why you should really know it is not a good idea to compare your girl to a volcanic peak - it maybe the highest, tallest, or most sought after one by mountaineers, but the last thing a woman wants to hear from her man's mouth is that she is like a mountain. if you've done that blunder and uttered that drivel out of ill-advised inspiration, your only hope is to try and save face by turning those very same highest, tallest and most sought after as the positive aspects which you wanted to highlight - and pray that she is in a forgiving mood.

most women will forgive one or two blunders, considering that men are prone to making them - but rest assured that you'll not need your next can of shave foam(if you are the kind who believes that break-ups deserve a beard) if you have gone so far as to compare the love of your life to the ruins of an ancient civilisation - however glorious the ancient city might have been in its heyday. you might have displayed a stellar knowledge of history, but sorry, the only thing that seems imminent in your life is thunderclouds and being banished into that oblivion of single life.

and if you've been wondering all along what prompted my good heart to dole out such essential advice to my friends, it is the effect of hearing the lyrics of this latest offering from the altar of tamilnadu's most revered deity - (and i end with the warning that gods can get away with anything, but mortals cant - so don't try this at home, for god's sake.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlPL6M5Km1Y&feature=related


Tuesday, 13 April 2010

airline costs and advices to them...

i came across this piece of news recently - having imposed a fee on checked in baggage, airlines are obviously exploring avenues to combat their rising fuel costs, and atleast one of them seems to have stepped up to bell the cat by slapping a fee on carry-ons/cabin baggage as well...

since they have a million issues to think about everyday, i thought i might pitch in and do my bit for them, by thinking of areas where they can impose more fees & charges, and do their best to increase their sources of revenue...

well, as my dear fraulein maria would say, lets start at the very beginning, a very good place to start... when you sing you begin with do, re, mi... when you charge you begin with....

1. a signage fee - we always believe in making travel easier for our passengers, so we put up signs showing which gate your flight is boarding at - in return for this valuable service, we ofcourse charge a small fee to make our ends meet.

2. access charges - a nominal charge will be added to the fare for every passenger, depending on whether they wish to use the aerobridge or the stairs.

3. image damage cess - we believe that our image as a carrier depends on the baggage we carry - hence, passengers will be subject to a charge depending on the brand of luggage they carry....the more valuable the brand, the lesser the fee. we are pleased to announce that as of now our patrons carrying Louis Vuitton and Prada luggages are currently exempted from this cess. for more updates on which designer brands are added to our list of exempted brands, keep checking our website.

p.s : for those carrying 'unassessable' brands like 'burma bazaar' purchases, a flat fee of $150 will be applicable.

4. dress code damages - for the same image reason cited above, we strongly emphasise a black-tie and dinner jacket dress code for our patrons. those not conforming to our dress code shall be subject to a damage fee assessed at the time of boarding by our etiquette experts who shall be present at all gates.

5. courtesy charges - our cabin crew shall smile and/or greet only those passengers who have paid a courtesty charge beforehand. please retain your counterfoils/stubs of the same for verification by the cabin crew.

6. viewing fees - all windows will have the shutters lowered and fastened, and shall be opened only to those passengers who opt to pay a viewing fee.

7.restroom charges - for every visit you make, and an extra charge when a visit extends beyond 5 minutes.

8. nap levy - those passengers who choose to nap or sleep during the flight, are free to do so by paying a nap levy. this is intended as a courtesy to our cabin crew who, in order to effectively discharge their duties, have to resist the temptation to nap on seeing such passengers.

9.carousel charges - please note that our existing baggage charges cover only the cost of flying the bags, and if you want the luggage to be sent down to the conveyor belt/carousel, an extra carousel charge will apply. customers not opting for the said charge are free to stand below the aircraft and catch their luggage as it is being thrown on to the tarmac.

10. accuracy fee - those passengers who are privileged to receive their baggage at their destinations on time and without getting lost will be required to pay an accuracy fee before they can clear their baggages off the carousel/conveyor belt.

11. emergency charges - last but not the least, in case of an emergency, the charges for oxygen masks and life jackets supplied will be billed to the passenger's credit card or recovered by the airline from the deceased's estate - whichever is applicable, depending upon the gravity of the situation.

well, i have dashed off whatever came to my mind immediately, so feel free to add any that might occur to you in order that we may be of assistance to airlines the world over, who make our lives so much better each passing day.

Friday, 26 February 2010

hmmm..... been a long time.... and even now, i write not because i have something to write, but because i have nothing to do...

well, considering the fact that this is the first post of 2010, cant help reflecting on the year gone by....

it was,i should say, a year of mixed emotions.... (axiomatic statement ? who goes through the same set of emotions everyday of the year ? - it is indeed mixed for everyone - but still, ....)
more than just happy or sad (though there was a lot of both), there were lots questions, confusions, as well as reminiscing and retrospection - all of which, i think, in some odd way, makes life complete, and adds meaning to what would otherwise be a mundane existence....

life is, indeed, interesting..... some questions are not answered when you need them most, some answered when you expect them the least.... and there are yet others, which you only hope time will have answers for, some day...

on a general note, 2010 began in a better way, and way better, than how 2009 ended - a vacation, a wedding, catching up with a few friends.... some expected joys, some unexpected blessings..... well, lets see what the year has in store.... after all, life is good, taken one day at a time - with eternal hope, with unswerving faith....

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